Wednesday, October 31, 2012

something bigger than yourself

today is the three year anniversary of my father's passing ... he was 60 ... i turned 40 just a couple of months ago ... if i had had a child at 23 like my father did, then i would have a senior in high school right now ... that is unimaginable to me. at 23, i was in paris; i know to whom i'd be married.

my father died from esophageal cancer and bone cancer ... he had always had bad heartburn ... in march his shoulder started hurting, in august he was diagnosed, and in october he passed ... he didn't smoke, drink alcohol, take drugs, work near toxic chemicals or mine. the only thing i can think of is he drank a lot of diet sodas.

outcomes like that tell me that you must always follow your dream, follow your passion ... be true to yourself ... because you just might get that first fatal ache tomorrow or suffer a heart attack today at lunch.

if you can be gone so quickly, then always be fighting for something bigger than yourself.

i imagine that is the purpose for having children ... for continuation ... but if both commitments begin at the same time, and i must choose between one or the other, then i will follow my path first, and worry about having children second.

RECs and solar in New Mexico, baby! ... Unfortunately, a new beginning does require an ending, first.

Next up: the ending.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

prowler beware

yesterday i strung up some fishing line inside the gate where i thought a possible intruder had entered the ranch house yard ... today, the line was broken ...

so i went to town and borrowed one of [the rancher's] city dogs, one that likes to bite people ... he comes with a spike collar and all ... now he and i are on alert.

[the rancher's wife] told me a story about a developmentally slow kid who moved out this way, not too long ago ... maybe 40 miles from here ... he was murdered at his home ... found hog-tied and hanged from the front porch.

prowler beware ... if i encounter somebody in the dark tonight, inside the house yard, i put your chances at zero.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

unknown excrement

found some unknown excrement outside, 5 ft from the house ... inside the fence ... maybe a coyote ... i did hear a coyote call last night at about 3 am ... looks like it has fur in it ... however ... then i noticed that the side gate was open ... it has a chain, and a post that slides into a ring ... it was open, and a wooden post that had been leaning against the top of the open gate was thrown outward to the ground ... hmmm ... not sure a cow or the wind could do that ... somebody might have been snooping around ... possibly last night ... i found a couple wipe marks on a back window like a hat brim accidentally hit the window and brushed the dust off ... and if i wanted to sneak up on this house it would be from the back road where that gate is ... hmmm, we'll see ... i have multiple loaded firearms surrounding me when i am at the computer ... so no big deal ... but i might just chamber a round in one or two of them in the evening hours when i can't hear what's going on because i have dylan too loud ... hahhahahah...

[the rancher's wife] brought it to my attention the other day ... that i am three miles off the nearest highway, in the middle of nowhere, in a house that is not visible from the street, and miles from the nearest neighbor ... if somebody knocks at the door at night, especially if i didn't see lights drive up, i will take precautions.

i remember a period of time in my life years ago ... i was living in a shady motel for a couple of months with my first cat while my living arrangement and job unravelled ... it was in the middle of the night (also about 3 am), when somebody knocked at the door ... i don't know what i was thinking ... but before i did think i had opened the door ... and was asked if i was [me] by a middle aged white guy ... i said yes, and was promptly served.

i will not do that again ... it might not be papers next time.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

living in opposite world

everything is a con ...
everything is gmo unless you buy organic ...
everything is double unless you opt out ...
everything is less than you hoped, thought, expected, were led to believe.

it's the lenses which cost extra.
it's the box spring which costs extra.
it's the shrinking size.

it's the fake, less than 100%, imitation, plastic, everything.
it's the off-white footnotes at the bottom of the ad.
it's the double meaning, double speaking, improper urban vernacular and yet defensible lawyer speak.

it's everything ...
that which i repudiate.

I heard David Gregory a couple of weeks ago on Meet the Press use the present tense to describe a past event; and then describe the current situation using the past tense.

i have my eyes on all of you ... i will wait you out ... all of you.
i see you ... even if you successfully hide it from everybody else ... i see you.
this lie, these secrets, our fall into fascism.
the art of success ... where everything is a lie.
chief's overtime.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

wishing for gloves

ask and ye shall receive ... i have agreed to help clean up a friend's rental trailer today ... i was just thinking, damn, i wish i had purchased those gloves the other day ... the grey cloth type with the rubber dots ... i used to use those when i was doing the furniture moving gig ...

fifteen minutes later, i am in the kitchen, i turn around, and there is a brand new pair, up on the wall, just as desired.

they are undoubtedly [the rancher's] gloves... i will take care of them or replace them (they cost maybe $3).


Thursday, October 18, 2012

homemade apple pie

talk about being at the right place at the right time ... i had to go to town to get a few things, and i stopped by [the rancher's] other home on the way ... it turned out that he needed something taken care of also in town ... so, in exchange for taking care of a little paperwork for him, [the rancher's wife] baked me an entire homemade apple pie ... using apples from their tree. it's fantastic.

i remember hearing that david bowie once said that people will one day crave the feel of wood ... as if seeking authenticity within an increasingly artificial and sterile world.

i imagine that is a lot like coffee, pie, and ice cream ... where value is determined by context ... and contrast.

i think i'll have another slice now.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

party colors at presidential debate

obama is wearing red, romney is wearing blue ... is today the day the parties switch back? ... because both candidates didn't get it wrong ... they both knew which color tie the other guy was wearing tonight (second 2012 presidential debate).

hahahaha ... it's the matrix ... a deja vue type glitch ...

Party colors at first 2012 presidential debate
republicans RED                   democrats blue

Party colors switch at second 2012 presidential debate
republicans blue                 democrats RED

instead, the talk is all about the fingers ... (the manufactured theme)

Party colors switch back at third 2012 presidential debate
republicans RED              democrats blue

remember ... historically, republicans are blue tending towards fascism ... while democrats are red tending towards communism ...

the reason it is not that way today is because the us has been living in opposite world since 2000.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

the finger part 3 (the bird)

Did Joe Biden Give Paul Ryan the Finger in Vice Presidential Debate?!

So. Yes. Eastwood gave the throat cut sign to Obama (see part 2) and Biden gave the bird to Ryan.

And yet every media network would have you believe that the empty chair prop is the object of interest.

The empty chair is likely a "manufactured theme." Heard the term just today on Meet the Press.

the finger part 2 (throat cut)

I asked my brother to find the link, and here is what he sent me.

[Brother]: You got it ... 9:45 mark ... eastwood says "when someone doesn't do the job, we gotta let him go" ... right hand, pointer-finger, left-to-right throat cut ... and the crowd goes wild!!!!

Other interesting notes ... he calls Biden a "grin with a body behind it"... hahahha ...

I remember when you mentioned The party color switch in 2000 ... well eastwood is wearing a blue tie and also some guy in the audience had a blue elephant foam hat on ...

Clint Eastwood RNC Speech (COMPLETE): Actor Assails Obama Through Empty Chair

Clint Eastwood's Throat-Slicing Moment at the 2012 Republican National Convention

Red is Blue

Thursday, October 11, 2012

the finger part 1 (not the empty chair)

the finger ... not the empty chair ... it was the line drawn across the throat that i remember from clint eastwood at the rnc ... tonight i saw biden give ryan the bird ... somebody should check my memory.

Monday, October 8, 2012

overcoming fear of the dark

afraid of the dark? what exactly is it that could attack? a cat? a black, muscular, gigantic 6 ft long black panther? all claws and muscle and teeth ... or was it a dog ... a badger ... a raccoon ... a person ... diving from the dark on to you with a knife ... a bear ... a scientific experiment from dean koontz ... a mountain lion ... a bear ... what was it again ... something with a bunch of claws ... snorting or growling ... i can't remember ... why would somebody be in the dark about to strike ... there is nothing there ... i mean, really?

trust the silence ... isolation ... distance ... protection ... safety ... chill.
play more dylan or waits.
where're your blublockers?

Thursday, October 4, 2012

scary education

knowing what you know about the true american history since 2001, the stuff that is kept silent, though understood ... those subjects that kind of turn your stomach when you hear them ...

i am not talking about the failings of the 911 narrative itself, i am talking about everything that has followed ... like americans torturing, preemptive strikes, tsa checkpoints or the loss of privacy, personal and electronic ...

imagine being a student ... imagine having to memorize narratives that you know are lies ... and being tested on them ... talk about torture ... you can feel the authoritarian control just thinking about it ... has anybody actually looked at a high school american history textbook lately? i bet 911 is not open for discussion ... that is not the agreed upon path.

i know that in this state, they have armed police officers in the schools ...

Now, what were your answers, again?

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

cow kisses

i just saw a mama cow swabbing her calf just like mama cat does to her kittens ... mama cow with her great, big, long, tongue started on one side of the little heifer's neck ... and the calf stretched her neck, chin up, turning to one side and then the other ... letting mama cow get both sides ... then bowed her head towards the ground as mama cow got her forehead and then down the back of her neck ... and then back up ... kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses ... it was quite affectionate ... the little heifer is nearly as tall as mama cow, and probably half her weight ... i thought that stuff would have ended long ago ...

kittens on front porch with grasshopper

the kittens are on the front porch exploring the world ... all kitten fuzz and sunshine and all ... they are playing on the remnants of last year's wood pile stacked at the front door ... mama cat with her permanent bedhead hairdo watches over everybody... the sun is rising fast but it is still just 38F outside ... weatherman says that this sunday could be cooler ... possibly 20 degrees cooler on the eastern side of the state ... it'd better not be 20 degrees cooler here! ... i still need to get this year's firewood; and [the rancher] still needs more hay ...

whoa ... the black kitten has caught his first grasshopper ... not quite sure what to do with it ... kind of just swatting it around ... mama cat and the other kittens have now joined in and encircle the grasshopper ... watching it limp along ... every once in a while getting a swat from a kitten ... poor grasshopper ... not a fast death this time ...

i don't know if the grasshopper got away or not, but the kittens kind of lost interest and are now playing in the grass ... doing cat wheelies and jumping over the tall sticks ... and, hey, mama cat just brought them another grasshopper! ... i wonder if she caught the first one too?

the cows just came in for their morning drink ...

mama cat appears to be giving personalized tutoring to the white/black kitten ... she is watching from behind as the kitten plays with the new grasshopper.

mama cat is white, short-hair, with a calico colored shaw draped over her ears and back (tortoiseshell-and-white)... she has some longer wisps of hair sticking out everywhere almost like the kittens and their fuzz ... mama cat always looks like she just got out of bed ... which is essentially correct.

there are four kittens: one black, one white/black, and two brindle

now all the cats are anxiously watching the cows in the holding pen (they are taking turns at the drinking tank) ... and a bird is angrily chirping from above ...

well, way to go, although the white/black kitten has given up on the grasshopper, one of the brindle kittens is chomping away at it ...

mama cat has now spotted me through the window ... she is sitting on the front porch watching me stand at the kitchen door.

picture over, cats gone.